Kristin's Remembrance of Matt

December 19, 2009

Before I say a few words about my wonderful brother, on behalf of Matt’s family please accept our gratitude for all of the love and support each of you have provided Matt and our entire family. We frequently marvel at the army of supporters following Matt’s progress over the past 14 months and, clearly, Matt’s Army is here today. I am blown away. Thank you.

The far reaches of the “Matt Uday Fan Club” (as I like to call it) is truly remarkable. Many have traveled great distances to be here today and this is a testament to the person Matt was and the impact that he had on those around him. I cannot tell you the number of people who have told me that they are better for having known Matt – I couldn’t agree more.

The best word I can use to describe Matt is passionate. Matt never did anything half heartedly. If he believed in something, he pursued it to the max. Matt truly loved life and he was passionate about so many things……Michigan football, skiing, sailing, music, and dentistry to name a few. But most of all, he was passionate about his family and his friends.

Nothing brought Matt more joy than spending time with the people that he loved. He was as much a protector as he was a prankster – and he was extraordinary in that no matter how busy he was, or how many friends he had, he always took a deep interest in those around him and made people feel special. This is a big reason why Matt is universally loved and respected by all who knew him: family, friends, colleagues, patients, and even acquaintances.

Matt’s wife, Megan, and precious son, Ethan, were the center of his universe. They are Matt’s gifts from God. Join me in continuing to surround them with love and make certain Ethan grows up knowing his amazing father.

Countless people consider Matt a friend. I have never met a person with more connections. Being on campus with Matt at the University of Michigan (a seemingly large university) was really quite something. Often, upon introducing myself to someone new, they would say “Oh, you’re Matt Uday’s little sister.” In fact, many people would just refer to me as “Matt Uday’s little sister” as if it were my name. And you know, I didn’t mind a bit. I am and always have been so proud to be Matt’s sister.

Matt’s energy, honesty, and integrity are qualities to emulate. Matt is an inspiration to all who knew him. When faced with tremendous adversity, he responded with remarkable courage, strength, optimism and most of all grace. I have learned so much from my big brother, but most importantly he has taught me that an unrelenting faith and a positive attitude will sustain us through any valley - “those who stay will be champions."

Matt’s heartwarming smile, fun loving character, and gentle embrace will be missed dearly.

A colleague and friend said to me earlier this week, “Our bodies can only carry us so far.” And we face that reality today. But, I take comfort in knowing that Matt’s spirit continues to surround each of us and will be with us always.

May God hold him, and keep him, and bring him peace. I love you Matt.

A note from a loving sister

This is a note that Kristin wrote to Matt with less than 48 hours to his death. I copy this from the pieces of scrap paper I found in the trash (Kristin always writes a draft first to make sure she gets the final version perfect:). Matt read it as he sat in his usual spot at the dinner table, and he was noticeably moved.

December 12, 2009

Matt,

I love you with all my heart and want you to know how proud of you I am. Not only for your strength and bravery as you fight cancer, but also for the person that you are today and always have been. I recognized early on what a loving brother and loyal friend you are and it brings me great pleasure to see what an amazing husband and father you have become. We talk about your "army" of supporters and that is no overestimation. You are universally loved and respected by your family and countless friends, colleagues, patients and even acquaintances. The far reach of the "Matt Uday Fan Club" is truly remarkable and is a testament to the person that you are and the impact you have on those around you.

Recent times have been unbelievably tough and I so wish that I could make things easier for you. Please know that your little sis is here for you - I love you, I support you, I am here for you today and always.

Love,

Sprout

Unbreakable

It shouldn't be a surprise that some of my fondest memories from college are from the gridiron. But the ones I'm thinking of right now didn't occur on fall Saturdays in Michigan Stadium. Rather, they are from a lesser known place: Mitchell Fields. This is where I played intramural flag football with Matt and my "buddies-in-law". Even though I had only modest athletic ability, near zero coordination skills, AND was the guy dating his sister, Matt was kind enough to invite me along.

These guys were serious, holding practices before games and drawing up plays on a set of note cards carried to the huddle. They quickly assessed my talents and put me back at safety. I suspect they realized I could do the least damage there since none of our opponents ever showed any proficiency at throwing deep. Even with me on the team, we (they) were actually really competitive, even making it to the semi-finals one year.

One of my most distinct memories is not from a game we played well in, but one that we were losing pretty badly. We were down by several scores and it was the second half of the game. I remember being in the huddle on offense, and a general sense of defeat in us all. All except Matt of course - incredulous that we would give up with so much time on the board. I'll never forget his scolding, assuring us that we could still win. And the next thing you know we started to make some plays. And soon we scored a touchdown. I have a perfect memory of Matt running toward the end zone to attempt the extra point, fire in his eyes, barking at us "I TOLD you - we can STILL WIN!"

It was only a few minutes out of a silly football game, but I have thought about that exchange on many occasions - even before Oct. 2008. I've never examined until now why that memory has stuck with me, but I think it is just that I saw his true inner self, the very fabric of his spirit. And as anyone who knows him has surely experienced, when you see that spirit it hits you over the head so hard you can't forget.

This last year doctors have thrown punch after punch after punch at the Cancer, and he takes every hit along with it. The toll on his body from the drugs and complications cannot be overstated. There is no doubt without Megan and the rest of his family/supporters, he would not survive the cancer treatments. At the same time, spend only a few minutes with him and you realize his spirit is a rock. Hit it as hard as you can with whatever you've got, it's staying put. You add Megan and Ethan to the mix, and he's unbreakable.

We didn't win that football game. But I know if we all believed as Matt believed, we would have come a lot closer. And we even might have won. Today I was at M&M's and on the refrigerator was a strip of paper that read: "We cannot control the winds, but we can adjust the sails." No one can predict the future with any certainty, and no one knows how much time we get to spend on Earth. But when you live your life like that, you cannot lose.